Just back from camp

Just got home from the annual camp

On the overall, quite a fun camp I should say. But yup, as there is always the fun part, there will be a sad past and this time there is are times when I am pissed off and disappointed.

Fun first. The activities were quite well planned and interesting. I love the dragon boating, amazing race, water games and night walk. The times we spent in the night were fun too, where Jun Liang would entertain me with his jokes and lame stories. Well, not the same for the second night. Jun Liang was just so tired to do anything and the rest were all snoring upstairs.

The sad part. This is our last annual camp. I remembered in sec 1 when I was just a cadet. I did not like the punishments given in the camp and resented doing all the activities because they were so tiring. I thought that the would be much opportunities for our squad to be together so it would not hurt if I just slack this once. And so I carried this thought with me for the next 1 year. I regretted it. In fact now, I am so disappointed with myself for not grabbing an opportunity to interact more with my squadmates. Now, when there is not going to be much time left, I appreciated all the times we had and hoped for more. But it is all too late. Just too late for anything. The 12 trainings we have left cannot do much. I just cannot get rid of this guilt feeling in myself, the feeling of sadness for not treasuring the times we had together. Prehaps I am just too anti-social in the past and and maybe even recently. Haiz. This barrier must be removed.

Another thing. Miss Long's departure. As posted earlier, I am sure those who read it knows about it and my sadness. However, all my emotions were not totally shown until today. For the last few days, I think that I am just consoling myself, that Miss Long is just a little more than ordinary TO, maybe just that few lessons that she taught us to change our life. But her short talk today and the cadet's farewell for her made my consolation fade away. I just accepted the fact that she made much changes to the unit. Maybe my consolation was just to control my tears. However, my tears came down today. I guess its just sad to see someone leaving. I will remember her quote, forever.
We want golden cadets, not a undisciplined gold unit. Her quote, or saying, just reinforces the fact that we all should look out for other's and our own chatacter, not just focusing on our outside appearance. Typing this really touches me deeply and makes me feel like crying again.

Ok, lastly, a peronal issue. Just want to ask this person, do you talk or communicate with me only when you have troubled times or when you are bored? Am I nothing but just a backup? I tried, I talked, I understood. I was lonely for long. I do not expect people to feel sorry or sympathise with me. I did the stuff but was not apprecaited for doing so. I tried to tell myself not to be discouraged but I get more sad with the same response each time. Am I the odd one out? I just feel that I am doing all the back ground work. In fact, I think after this camp, I really appreciate those who do all the background work, all the preparations. They are not recognised yet they continue to do their stuff. This really makes me feel sad. I dont know if I should do this but I am really getting more hostile. I try not to but you force me too. All these are illusions to my positive mindset, all clouding my mind, making me even more confused and hurt. I am uncertain of my next action. Before any changes takes place, I will just tolerate. I seriously think we need to have a nice chat.

I just thought of this small little saying and I am quite happy to share it. It really sounds quite touching but a little too chim.

Seeds of good attitudes and strong moral values are planted in the garden of my heart. They stormed through the tough times and grew out to be young plants that bore sweet fruits. I tasted the sweetnes and enjoyed the joy the fruit gave me and I hope to plant and the seeds that I have obtained from my fruit with others, so that they can taste, and I am able to share, the sweetness of their fruits and the joy that they bring.

Thought of the quote when I was reflecting on some incidents.Anyway, I came to a conclusion, that we should all put ourselves in the position of the other party before judging or coming to conclusions. We must know how others feel and to be more sensitive.

Not that tired after the camp. In fact, more energized and have gained more experience and teaching points. I am going to play basketball now. Enjoy your holidays.