Slept quite early last night. At ard like 9 plus.

Was getting more fan over some things. The more I think about it, it really makes me very fustrated. Never have I felt like this before. Well, I went to open the fridge and gulped down 1 whole bottle of red wine. Never drank so much before. At the most it was like 1 can of beer. This time ,1 whole bottle, and the alcoholic effect took place in less than a half-an-hour. My whole face was red and yah, switched on the air-con to the lowest temp. possible. My head was so heavy. Not filled with the drowsiness of the alcohol, but with the urgent unsolved problem. Slept for like 12 hs. Both my parents thought I only drank a glass, but they didnt know the other side of the story, the reason I drank. Well, it goes to show that drinking cannot drown one's sorrows.

Well, I certainly am in a clearer state of mind now.

I was just thinking, do we have to really lose what we possess before we learn to appreciate what we have? For instance, you may think that a bowl or your fan is just nothing compared to your computer or handphone. But once we lose it, we will start to appreciate it, because we cannot hold our soup without our bowls and feel cool without the fan. Well, same thing applies to human to human relationships too. We just take some people for granted. We think that they are suppossed to help us, because they are our friends, we feel that it is their duty to do so. We start to complain if ever any friend does not do anything to our liking. However, do we stop to think that we are asking for too much? We do not return their help with a word of thanks, with a smile. We do not put ourselves in their shoes to think about them, to care for them, to know that they have been helping us behind our backs,silently, without asking for any return or favour. Instead, we treat them like they are non-existant. We keep thing from them, we betray them, we do all sorts of things to them. Why? The question I ask of these people. Why? Have their friends not helped them enough? What else do they want? I guess all these is just a case of people being selfish and never stopping to think about returning to others a favour no matter how small it maybe.

Anyway, I just saw a blog that wrote some quite enlightening stuff about values. It said that to be able to possess determination, perserverance, you must be put through the mill and know what hardship is like, what losing something, someone is like. The ability to stand up again, the challenge to come up again stronger. To learn from your mistakes. Let me give you a scenario.

A man was walking in a forest and he chanced upon a note. It said" there is a piece of gold bar underneath this forest floor. Use the spade provided under the tree to dig it up and good luck to you!" He looked around and found a spade under a tree. Being curious, he took the spade and began digging. He was dressed in some tight clothings and was it was a great obstacle to his hand movements. He began to dig. His hand got soiled at first. He took a bottle of water to clean them. It later become even dirtier. He was quite irritated but continued to dig. Being small in size, he could not dig quite fast. A passer-by went past and looked at what he was doing. The man told him what he saw and the passer-by laughed at the man's stupidity before moving on. The man wanted to give up. He felt that his one hour of digging had gained no result other than getting him all soaked in sweat and covered with mud. However, he decided to continue as he wanted to prove the passer-by wrong. So he continued digging. Hours after hours passed. He became more tired. His desire to stop digging was getting stronger. He thought to himself" I am going to just dig for this last hour, if nothing comes out of it, I am going to just walk away." He continued, for that last hour. Finally, that piece of gold appeared. He was very happy. However, his mind did not possess thoughts for selling that gold bar, nor was it thinking of how to show it off to his friends. He was happy because he felt that his efforts had paid off, he had been able to complete the challenge. That was the best reward reaped.

Well, let me say my piece. His dirtied hands and tight clothings represent his constraints, things that are obstructing him. The passer-by would mean others comments to us, what they say about us, their sacarism. The time would show the period of time we spent trying to learn something, some valuable, to try and prove others wrong. In the end, what we can gain from this is that we must know what we want, what we desire and to just go for it. The obstacles in front of us are just challenges to toughen us up. At the end of the day, we feel a sense of satisfaction, partly because we reached our aim, but more due to being able to learn, to stand up again, to break free from everything holding us back. That's the true, greatest and sweetest reward. Opportunties do not appear twice, because when they do appear the next time, many things would have changed. People meet because of fate, the fate that brings them together, out of a whole world population of billions of people. And lastly, chances do not come easy, because they might never appear again.

I know I have a lot to say, which might have bored almost everyone. But really, saying all these now makes me feel better.

ok, shall blog till here.Learn to appreciate and treasure what you have!!!!

I have done what I can. I will see what else I need to do. I hope that its not just a 1 way traffic. My obsessions are getting deeper. I hope that if you were to deal me that blow, do it now. Otherwise, nothing is gonna heal that broken heart the next time round.

How do I live without you..... I want to know.....How do I live without you..... if you ever go..... how do I ever..ever survive.... ooo.... how do I...ooo .....how do I ...ooo... how do I live....